i never knew that i would
ever could
love someone so tiny
so much.
there are moments though
that are just
hard.
its hard to see him cry
when none of my soothing will do.
its hard to appreciate the bond we share nursing
when it's the third time i've been awake.
in three hours.
its hard to ask for help
when i feel like i should be able to do it all.
i'm a mom now
afterall.
its hard to be heavier
than ever before
but not have enough energy
to make a change.
its hard to remember to take some time for myself.
its hard to let him fall.
or cry.
its hard to let go
each morning
when i want to snuggle him and kiss him
all day long.
its hard when he's fussy
and i can't put him down.
its hard to always need to think of someone else
before myself.
its hard being exhausted
most of the time.
its hard saying goodbye to oma
when she goes back home.
its hard to have so much family
so far away.
its hard
to go anywhere
and not know when he might lose it.
its hard knowing that the world won't love him as much when he's a big boy.
its hard not ever knowing if you're doing the right thing.
its hard to know that each day
i let him go a little more
so that he can become
his own.
