I went to the midwife on Wednesday and she told me that it felt like baby wasn't going to come for another week. The baby was still too high. I mentally relaxed and made up a renewed to do list to keep me busy for another week.
Wednesday night, I woke up many times with cramping in my belly and back, but tried to sleep as much as possible. Those feelings weren't new. Also I had a bit of a gush that I thought might be my water breaking, but I wasn't sure.
Thursday morning, I woke up about 6:30 and by 7, contractions had started and were about 5 minutes apart, lasting 45 seconds. Again, nothing new here. I had had a number of nights when I was up for a couple of hours of contractions but then would wake up with nothing in the morning. I assumed that this was the same deal. After all, who actually has a baby on their due date?
At 11 or so I took a walk thinking that might make things happen (or make them stop.) Afterwards, about noon, when the contractions hadn't stopped, I called the midwife to get a second opinion. She told me it sounded like early labor, but I still wasn't convinced that it wasn't false labor. I texted Lauren (doula, midwife, and friend extraordinaire) and we talked through my signs. She confirmed what the midwife said, sounded like baby was on his way.
I called Todd and the first thing he said was "You don't sound like you're in labor yet" before I said, "Actually... that's why I am calling..." He was going to work a bit longer until he decided it might be best to come home and nap- we had a big night ahead of us.
Todd came home and laid down. I took a shower to deal with the pain. At 3, I called the midwife and she said I sounded too calm, but just call back when I thought I was ready to come in. ("How will I know?" "Oh, you'll know.") I called Lauren and said, "Tell me I can do this" and she did. Talking to her through a few contractions, she said, "Well, it might be helpful for the midwife to hear you have a contraction..." And then, to my relief I finally got a hold of my mom on the phone (mid-contraction) and she left right away for the drive down.
I labored a bit longer, walking from room to room with Easton following me around. It helped to stroke his head during my contractions for a while. About 4, Lauren convinced me to wake Todd up to get some more support and start to get packed. Contractions were less that three minutes apart and lasting almost a minute.
With Todd awake, we got everything into the car about 5:00 and started to drive to the birthing center. We dropped Easton off with Auntie Beth and Uncle Chris... mid contraction. I was bracing myself, gripping the door handle, breathing as best I could. Lauren talked me through a few more over the phone before I hung up just to focus on coping. I visualized my happy place (always my grandparents old farm house in upstate NY, and the creek I would play in there.)
Just when I thought the car ride would never end, we arrived at the birth center. Thank God. I was thinking to myself, if they tell me I'm only 4 centimeters, I am all done, I don't think I can do this... and then trying to correct my negative self-talk. YOU CAN DO THIS.
We got inside and I froze in my tracks. The nurse grabbed me and hugged me and swayed with me back and forth as I got through the next contraction, overwhelmed by emotion. Then we walked in and the midwife checked me. 9 centimeters. Oh, thank God! A big chunk of labor was behind me- I COULD do this. I knew I could. I got in the tub and relaxed a bit, then the pool for as long as I could. Lauren knew just when to tell me I needed to get moving and change positions though, which renewed the intensity of my contractions each time. Back to the bed. Toilet. Bed.
Time passed.
Todd applied pressure to my back. Lauren force fed me some jelly beans and root beer to keep my energy up. I labored. I focused.
The baby wouldn't move. He was still very high. The midwife tried her tricks on my belly to see if she could encourage him. We laughed as she told me I had a "membrane of steel" because while I was leaking lots of water, it never really broke. We developed a possible plan to head to the hospital now that they were seeing some maconium in my fluid and his heart rate was dropping a bit with the stress every time I had a contraction. Some time later, (some difficult time, I might add,) he was still being stubborn. Mommy was exhausted. So much pushing and coping.
And so the decision was made to try the hospital to get me some pain relief so that I could relax, the midwife could really break my water, and hopefully baby might start to come down.
I was feeling no pain by the time my mom met us in the hospital. I was out of it and even more tired. The midwife got ready to break my water, when it broke on its own. Unfortunately, instead of moving us forward, it took us back. The bag of water had been what was pushing us to 9 centimeters and without it, I went back to 7. An hour or so later, after listening to his heart rate decelerate each time I contracted, no progress meant that it was time to move to plan C and have the C-Section. It wasn't the plan, but I was determined to be happy with the process, however my body needed to take care of us.
It was a bit nerve-wracking, but the doctors were great and I fully trusted them. Great bedside manner and Todd by my side kept me relaxed. Then we just waited. It felt a bit powerless, but all I could think about was getting to finally meet this little man I'd been dreaming about for so long. Daddy did great and baby came out crying.
Tears in my eyes, Todd went with baby to get him all cleaned up and checked out. This may have been the longest part of the day, listening to my boy, but not yet able to see him. And then, of course, they brought him back to me. The best moment of my life so far. I wanted nothing more than to hold him, but had to settle for whispering to him and telling him that he was absolutely perfect and always would be. My boy. My Lindan Todd.
They took care of me, and Todd went with Lindan as they took care of him. And time crawled until I was all fixed up and ready to head to recovery for my skin time with this handsome, perfect boy.
Long, dark hair. Long eyelashes. Two dimples. Perfect ears. Ten fingers. Ten toes.
And how can you not fall in love?
We spent time snuggling and enjoying quiet time with daddy until we could finally be moved up to our room. We met Oma and Lauren who got to snuggle the prize and fall in love too. Then we settled into the reality that he is here and he is ours and we get to keep him forever.
He slept well for the first 24 hours and we all tried to get some rest. Lauren went home with a huge thank you and Oma and Daddy have taken turns resting at home and staying with me at the hospital. Its hard to be a patient when you want to take care of your new baby. I have been so well cared for, and have steadily improved. Now I await our car ride home, knowing he really is ours. Forever. And that's how long I get to love him.
